Why does it seems like I do dishes 3 times a night? Oh yeah, that's right..because I do.
Does anyone care? Do I hear a thank you looming around the sink? No I don't.
Not that I expect appreciation for daily house chores but once in a while it would be nice.
"Oh hey, If I haven't told you lately, your the best and I love the way my laundry smells so fresh!"
But I suppose I wasn't put on this earth for thanks you's. In fact I'm beginning to believe I already died in a horrible accident and this never ending days of self esteem reducing SAMENESS...is my very own piece of hell. And Mr. R is Satan himself.
I'm starting to get why people have sordid affairs with random strangers...or shoot up meth in the closet...or be addicted to cream filled donuts. There has to be an outlet or a silver lining that makes everything okay..even for a minute.
"Yes, I am tired. Yes, my dog has ear mites and my vacuum broke but it will all be okay after I eat this chocolate eclair." Done...happiness achieved.
Today I am at work. There is allot I should be doing. But instead I'm blogging and staring at said work. Sometimes you just need a day to reflect and I'm certainly not getting that back at base camp.
What do I do to deal with these things? I'm addicted to caffeine. I pretend its rum and chug it non stop. Even though in the back of my mind I know I'm going to have a cardiac arrest I drink it anyways. Really all I'm trying to do is achieve the most "awakeness" that my body can handle. Its a sick sick game...but hey no one has mentioned anything even though I drink three day old coffee in the middle of the night. Fuck it, I'll wake up tired either way.
This is how I cure the the "SAMENESS". It is my release. It is the one thing I can control.
And now I will crack open my energy drink and start working before Lea calls me on intercom and asks what I'm doing. I'm running out of lies to tell her.